before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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