I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
