And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
