Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
