I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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