If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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