i wish my penis had a tongue
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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