you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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