Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
