apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
