Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
