so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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