Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
