Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
