The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's even glitter on my cock...
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