the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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