wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
