We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
