you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did I show you my penis last night?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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