god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
