well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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