Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
