That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
