I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
