RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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