my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize