thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
