Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
