I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
