You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
