a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
