it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
