P.S. I can't hear my feet
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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