This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sext me about skeletons
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
