My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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