I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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