"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
