Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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