his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
