I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
