I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize