ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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