My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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