Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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