there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Two words: blizzard sex
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