i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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