escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
the raccoons are back...
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