you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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