my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
