hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
