I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
