Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
