Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
