I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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