Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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