Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
