i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
