who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
