I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
