So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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