Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
