Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
