i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
