sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
