I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
