i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize