the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
