Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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