yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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