p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
