I cockslap morals
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Randomize
