Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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