Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize