Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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