Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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