one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
