it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize