Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
