Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
