i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
