david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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