you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
love makes seman taste better
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
