I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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