After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
