Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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