i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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