In the future we'll all be gay
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
