Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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