I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
