I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
