I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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