His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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