when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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